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Talk About Cancer
Talk About Cancer is a podcast of stories from cancer patients, survivors, caregivers, and family members. The host, Serena Hu, talks to her guests about their emotional journeys with cancer and what happens to the relationships in their lives after a cancer diagnosis. They sometimes explore how culture and faith shape each person's experience of cancer and grief. You will find diverse perspectives, honesty, and wisdom in these stories to help you deal with cancer and its aftermath. http://talkaboutcancerpodcast.com
Talk About Cancer
An oncologist's cancer story
Reema shared how her cancer experience might have been similar to and different from someone who is not an oncologist, and how this experience has influenced the way she practices medicine today.
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Thank you for listening!
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My reflections on the conversation:
Before talking to Reema, I wondered how her experience with cancer might be different from people who are not doctors. The one thing that I didn’t expect was the extra layer of stress she had when family and friends continued to look to her to be the expert of her own situation. She definitely was the medical expert, but I can see how wearing the “doctor” and the “patient” hats at the same time would be very confusing and exhausting. As she gently reminded me during our conversation - doctors are humans too! And there are simply no shortcuts when it comes to navigating the emotional experience of cancer.
Hey everybody, this is Serena, your host for the Talk About Cancer Podcast, where I talk to cancer patients, survivors, and caregivers about their experiences dealing with cancer. We're all given treatment plans when cancer shows up in our lives, but no one gives us plans for navigating the hard conversations we need to have and the relationship challenges that will inevitably come up. This podcast is meant to help fill that gap for those dealing with cancer. I think of it as an on-demand audio support group where listeners can hear about others' experiences managing similar problems, but most importantly, get insights about how our loved ones are feeling on this journey none of us signed up for, and better understand where they may be needing support. In today's episode, Rima shared how her cancer experience might have been similar to and different from someone who's not an oncologist, and how this experience has influenced the way she practices medicine today. Let's dive into her story now, and we'll check back in with you at the end. Welcome to the Talk About Cancer Podcast. Let's start with a quick intro and have you tell us a little bit about yourself, who you are, where you're from, and anything else you would like the listeners to know.
SPEAKER_01:Thanks for having me on. My name is Rima Batra. I'm an oncologist and hematologist. I live in San Diego, California. I am in private practice. Most of my practice is cancer. The majority of my cancer patients are breast cancer patients, whether they're in active treatment or in surveillance. My personal life, I'm married, I have two kids, I have a dog, you have a lovely life. And I have been going along with uh life. And then I got the shock of my life in 2020 when I was diagnosed with not coronavirus, which is what I was expecting, but cancer. It was a shock. I didn't expect it to happen when it did. And it has changed my life dramatically, but not in a not in a rushed way. It wasn't like the day before cancer, I was one way, and then the day after cancer, I was another way. Um, and there's been sort of a slow shift in the way I think um and the way I take care of myself and how I interact with people. I am happy to be on this podcast today to share my story and talk about things that I might have learned along the way.
SPEAKER_00:Thank you so much for that intro. So, what interested you in oncology in the first place?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, so we're going back a little while. Um sorry. That's okay. Yeah, this is in my during my residency after medical school, I decided on doing internal medicine residency, which basically is the sort of the groundwork you have to do in case you want to specialize into something like oncology, or if you see a cardiologist, they've done internal medicine. You know, your primary care physician is someone who's done internal medicine. It's just you learn all the different systems. And so I had no clue what I wanted to do. So as I was going through my rotations, because you go through every, you know, specialty while you're an intern and a resident. Um, in my intern year, I rotated on the oncology floor. And I I didn't expect to love the field as much as I did. It was, you know, not on my radar at all. You know, most people think about cardiology and GI and stuff like that when you're in med school. But this was really surprising to me. I loved meeting not just the patients, but their families. I loved how it was a multidisciplinary team that took care of the patient. It wasn't just doctors, that's navigators, social workers, nutritionists. We would have a very large team to take care of patients. And then right around that time was when targeted therapy uh started to come into play with this drug called Rituxin, um, which is an anti-CD-20 and monoclonal antibody, first one of its kind. And it was just really cool too. So, from like my nerd side of me was like really excited by it too. So it kind of fit everything I was looking for. And then when I started my fellowship, which comes after residency, that definitely confirmed how I felt. How would you describe yourself as a doctor? I'm pretty personable. So I think most of my patients will remark on my ability to relate to them and my bedside manner. I think that's probably why people like to see me. Um, I think you can find most doctors will be doing similar things, but people who like seeing me are because of my personality more, it's just a, you know, we just have a good rapport with most patients.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:I did spy on you a little bit.
SPEAKER_00:58 five-star reviews on Google. To be fair, right? I mean, people that are in the cancer space, I mean, we all know not all doctors are made equal.
SPEAKER_01:So yeah, yeah. And and everyone finds a fit. You know, having now gone through cancer myself too, I would never ever fault someone for feeling like we're not a good fit. Because you just have to be okay with your oncologists and be able to talk to them and feel comfortable that the right thing is happening, because essentially you're putting your life in their hands. You're supposed to trust everything that they do. And if you don't have that, you really shouldn't be working with me, you know, because otherwise it makes all of our lives harder.
SPEAKER_00:So segue over then to the shock of diagnosis less than a year ago. So still very fresh for you. Can you take us back there?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. So it was December of 2020 that I um, so at the time 45, and you know, you're supposed to do your screening memo. So I was overdue. And so I was like, okay, I gotta do this, I gotta do this. So one day I scheduled my memo in between my clinic hours, and then I kind of got into playing tennis actually during COVID. So it was like scheduled to play tennis with some friends after work. And so I snuck in my memo in between that. I thought every year it's been fine, so it's be 20 minutes in and out. And usually, because I go to the center where I work, um, usually the radiologist will come bring me over to the film and have me look at it and say, Great to see you. I haven't seen you in so long. See you later. You know, just like niceties. This time is different. So I go in and the tech came in after doing my initial um screening, and she says, the doctor wants you to do additional views. And I was like, Okay. Then I'm looking at my watch, like, uh-oh, my tennis game. You know, so we do the additional views, then she goes away, comes back, and now he comes with her and he says, I'm really worried about something on your left side. So I was like, Oh, Scott, because he was a colleague. I was like, Scott, I've had a cyst there. It comes and goes with my period, it's fine, you know. And he's like, Yeah, you know, I just want you to do an ultrasound. Let's just do the ultrasound. You're here, you know, she can do it right now. And I said, Okay, fine. But then I canceled tennis because I was like, all right, this isn't gonna happen.
SPEAKER_00:You're not gonna make it. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:So I go into the ultrasound room and he left. So it's just me and the tech, and she's doing all kinds of things with the ultrasound. And I'm look trying to look over and I'm asking her questions, and she will not answer me. So I started to panic because I was like, why isn't she saying anything? Because most people, especially because I'm a physician there, they would say, Yeah, it looks fine. So she was spending all this time on the left side, and then then went ahead and did the right side. And I thought, okay, that one was gonna be done and quick. And then she leaves. So I'm kind of nervous now because she's like totally stoic and hasn't said a word. So then he comes back in and he says, You know, you were right, the left side was assist. I'm not worried about that. I was like, Oh, okay, cool. And he goes, Wait, there's something on your right side. And I was like, Wait, what? And he's like, Let me show it to you. So he pulls it up, and there's like a distinct round mass in in the tissue buried in there. So then we go back to the mammogram and you can't see it on the mammogram. So it's totally mammo occult, which is very scary that I almost walked out of that place pushing this guy to not ultrasound me because otherwise we would have never picked it up. Of course, you know, you don't know if it's cancer until it's biopsies, but that's so that didn't happen for another few days. But I I was really scared after that and kind of just hoped that, you know, he was just being overly thorough and even thought this was cancer, but it's not, you know, just hoping for any kind of opposite result than what it came out to be. Um, but that's that's how that happened.
SPEAKER_00:So is that a common scenario where the mammal is not able to pick up what the ultrasound can be?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. So that's so I have something called um dense breast tissue. It's pretty common actually. So it's when your breasts are so fibrous that you can miss tumors. And people who have dense breast tissues for some reason, they don't know why, but for some reason have a little bit of a higher chance of breast cancer. So that's what I have. And I've kind of like saw that one liner on reports and just said, you know, it's probably nothing, you know, I'm not too worried about it because I don't feel anything, you know, no family history. You always justify your decisions based on that. But if an insurance company sees that line and you want to get another scan, like an ultrasound or an MRI, they'll pay for that because mamos are not necessarily the right test for you. And I've been really on top of the medical community about this um since the diagnosis because it is a literally a one-liner in your report. And even primary cares and GYNs don't necessarily pay much attention to that as long as the mammoth is negative. But if a patient comes in with the symptom and they might have had a normal mammal last month, then you need to do some more work uh to find out and make sure nothing's going on.
SPEAKER_00:And then what happened next?
SPEAKER_01:So um after that, I scheduled a biopsy in December. And, you know, as a physician, you kind of pull some strings. So I called the pathologist at my center and I said, How quickly can you read my biopsy? He said, if you can walk it here after you're done and it gets in by five o'clock, I can have it ready for you in the morning. So after my biopsy, I took the specimen, the little core of my breast tissue, to the lab, you know, said hello to everybody, and then dropped it off. And that's when I got really scared because you know, now it's like, oh my God, this is happening. Um so the next day I had work again. And so I called the pathologist for something in the morning, and he said, Oh, it's not ready. And so I continued seeing patients, and then usually I do my hospital rounds at around. Did you actually see patients that day? I I mean I had yeah, I I was it was at that point I had no choice. I had to, you know. So then I went on hospital, hospital rounds around lunchtime. That's usually when I do it. And I was like, I still haven't heard from him, so let me just stop by the lab. So I walk in, and this is kind of freaky. I walk in and he's looking at the slides, and he sees me across the room. And I mean, this guy, I feel so bad because he's like close to retirement now, and this is probably the most awkward thing he's probably ever gonna have to have dealt with in his life. But he's like, Rima, it's cancer. And I was like, oh my, like everything just drained out of me at that point. And he's like, Okay, he's like, calm down. I'm like, I'm calm. I wasn't freaking out like in front of him. I just everything drained. And then he's like, calm down. I'm like, okay. So I knew he was freaking out.
SPEAKER_00:I think he was trying, I was just gonna say, I think he was trying to calm himself down. So he's like, wait a second, this is never my job. Like, why all of a sudden I have to be the person to break the news.
SPEAKER_01:Exactly. He's like, I went into pathology for a reason. So anyway, he so he says, I'll let me call you in a little while. I just want his colleague, he's like, I just want him to look at it too. He's like, the good news is he says it looks like it's really slow growing. He just started to try to help me feel better, comfort me a little bit. So I walk out of there and kind of was shaking. Then I called my husband right away. I I live kind of 30 minutes away from work. It's that doesn't sound like a long way, but it is the literal opposite of San Diego. So when I call him, he's like, I'm coming down there. To this day, he's like, why don't you just let me come? I'm like, because it would have just been unnecessary for you to like get into traffic and like drive, you know, the kids are home. Like, I was gonna come home. So like that's that's a sort of a segue there. But yeah, like I think I think he just used to me kind of like rolling with my own life. Like I'm pretty independent. So he was like, Okay, fine, you know, this is how she always is. But um, I walked back to the office, I called my parents. They're old immigrant parents, they don't necessarily understand, you know, what I'm saying. You know, they did hear the word cancer, freaked out a little bit, of course. Um, and then I called a couple of my colleagues. So, you know, and I wasn't thinking straight. I called my partner that I probably talked to the most often at work, and he's like, All right, you should get an MRI, you know, you should do this, you should do this. I'm like, okay, okay. So I go back to the office. Now I still have a whole afternoon of patients scheduled. And I'm at this point not crying or anything. I walk to my office manager, to her office, and she goes, Did you hear? And I was like, It's cancer. And when I saw her face, because I've just informed everybody on the phone, right? When I saw her face, that's when I lost it. So she brought me into her office, we shut the door, you know, she's just kind of calmed me down, and she's like, We're gonna cancel your day. I'm like, Are you sure? I'm like, how can we do that? She's like, please. I mean, there's reasons we can cancel days. This is one of them, right? So we're gonna cancel your day. So luckily, there was one of our old partners who is now working with us as like on a sort of an as-needed basis. He happened to be at the office. So he came in, he's like, I'll just see your patients for you, don't worry. And then at that point, this is why it's great to like be a doctor and have this issue come up because I got my MRI ordered right away. I got my genetic testing ordered right away. I had my one of my MAs come in and draw my blood for the genetic stuff. Then I got an appointment with a surgeon, like everything just got done really fast. I wow. So let those things take months. Yeah, I really appreciate that um people have to wait way longer and it's not fair, you know. Um now we're it's December 23rd, so we're two days away from Christmas, and my twins were born on the 26th of December. So I had like a Christmas party/slash birthday party for them, like all kinds of things going on for them that weekend. Um, so I just wanted to not let them know or let anyone know around us what was going on. We had a small COVID-friendly outdoor party for them. We can do that in December here in San Diego. So it's it's like really hot and sunny still. Um, so yeah, I had a little thing for them outside. You know, we still open gifts, but I was a wreck the whole weekend. I was a wreck. And at one point, even Christmas morning, I couldn't even hold it together. The kids were so busy opening their gifts that they didn't notice, but I was bawling and I couldn't even open my own gifts. I I buy my own presents for Christmas and then I just keep them under the tree. I was so excited before all this happened to get all my gifts, and then I couldn't open them until like probably it was like after New Year's, and I was like, fine, I'll open them now. It was just a really rough few days. After that, my week post that holiday uh weekend, it was just full of testing. So the MRI happened. The reason I did the MRI was because I was deciding between should I do the double mastectomy versus a lumbectomy. So, in order to decide that, I just wanted to make sure there was nothing else of suspicion. They actually found two other things, and so I had to have two more biopsies after the first one. So I went through that whole emotional thing again, you know, waiting for results and things like that. After about uh two to three weeks, and then I waited for my genetic testing, that came out negative two. Now I'm in January, yeah, January 15th. I scheduled my surgery for that day, and I had a lympectomy and uh sentinel node biopsy, and that went super well, and I was stage one, so it all turned out really, really good at the end of it all.
SPEAKER_00:So, going back to what you're saying about your husband, you know, initially it was like, why didn't you just let me go with you?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I feel bad because I'm I'm a pretty independent person. I met him later in life, so I was single for a long time, and I I'm just used to doing life on my own. And so it's not that I don't appreciate his support. Like I just knew I needed to take care of business. Um, and that's kind of continued through the whole process because every other test that I had to do, like, he's like, Can I come? So I would let him drive me to tests and things, but like he didn't need to come into the room. Like, I I was just doing those things on my own.
SPEAKER_00:Is that to protect him? Or you just wanted to have the headspace to react however way you wanted to also as a way to protect him, maybe.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, it's a good question. I don't know if I ever I've ever really thought through why I do that. I think it is probably a little bit of both. I want to just experience it for how I need to experience it and not worry necessarily about how he's feeling. I mean, he's not a doctor, so it would have been a little bit difficult for me to kind of walk him through every little step, and I just didn't need that extra stress on top of everything.
SPEAKER_00:I think what I'm trying to sort of understand, because thinking from maybe the majority of the patient in the family experience is like we're all trying to draw the information out of the medical team, right? Versus you already know all the information. And so I guess there is that extra layer of responsibility almost because you're a physician and you know what is supposed to happen and what this all means. It's like you're on the hook to explain it to everybody else.
SPEAKER_01:That's exactly right. Even with friends. I mean, my friends who are not in medicine, they had all these questions. So I felt like I had to go into like doctor mode and be like, this is the receptors, this is the blah blah blah. You know, I'm like, oh my God. You know, like it would get a little exhausting, you know, after a while. Um I mean, and obviously they all came from a good space. Of course. But it's just, you know, when you're going through your own emotional upheaval and then to get back into doctor mode for yourself is like a little weird.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. I was looking at your social media page, and I think there was one photo that you had. You were like halfway through your treatment, and I saw a comment, and like somebody literally posted a medical question as a comment to your post. It's like, this is our situation. What's your suggestion? Or can you explain this? I don't think that was. I don't remember that, but I was like, that's not the point of this page. Like, just not like having a second practice of being like, send me your medical questions and I will address them on this social media page with my family.
SPEAKER_01:It's funny when you're when you're wearing both hats because I think people just don't know necessarily how to address it. Yeah. I think people get uncomfortable with cancer generally and don't know how to address it. I had some interesting reactions from people. Um my friend, you know, the day after I told her, I mean, she showed up at my door at 7 a.m. the next day, you know, with donuts, you know, ready to talk. But then I had people who I talked to frequently who I didn't hear from for like two weeks. And I knew they knew the news, you know. So it's just interesting. I think people just don't know what to say or what to do. And um, sometimes I'll just bring it up and be like, yeah, the cancer. And they're like, Oh yeah, so tell me all about that. I'm like, I know you've been wanting to ask this whole time, you know, just ask. It's okay, you know.
SPEAKER_00:So yeah, it it's definitely common and and I get it. It's like, you're my friend, you know about this, why don't you check in on me, right? Even even if you don't know what to say. But yeah, I always say, which is that you just don't know what that's bringing up for them. Right. Like sometimes it's like they've had trauma around illnesses, death, you know, with their own family members and whatnot. And sometimes it's just too much for people. And I hear that over and over. It's like the people that you least expect, right? Show up and mow my lawn and give me rides and drop out food or whatever.
SPEAKER_01:So yeah, it's interesting. I mean, and I don't fault anyone for not reaching out or whatever. It is awkward and it's weird. And you're right. I didn't even think about the fact that it could have brought up some trauma for them. Um, might not have been cancer per se, but something.
SPEAKER_00:Do you think it was maybe easier for you to navigate that, I will call it discovery process where it's like trying to figure out what actually is the cancer situation and then like what the course of treatment would be. Do you think that was actually worse because you like know all the possible worst outcomes that it could go to?
SPEAKER_01:I think the answer is both yes and no. So, yes, it was way easier for me to get appointments. I knew who to call. I'm like good friends with the chief of radiology, right? So he would get me into all my appointments, all the biopsies I had to do. I'd get the results within 24 hours, you know. So those kinds of things, it was so much easier for me. And and in fact, that is something I actually feel, you know, and I've been talking with um Susan G. Coleman about is the gaps that patients have in this process. Because even if I had to wait 24 hours for a biopsy result, I couldn't sleep, you know, I needed all kinds of stuff to put myself to sleep. Those days were the hardest days, riddled with anxiety. So for someone to have to wait like three, four days or even a week, maybe sometimes more than that, to get results and appointments and things like that. I don't think it's fair. I really don't think it's fair. But yeah, it was a lot easier for me uh to navigate that process because I knew who I needed to see and how to do it. But in some ways, it was not easy for me because I knew every possible scenario and what could go wrong. Even just driving to get my surgery. I've had fears about anesthesia forever. I always round on people who've had a bad outcome during anesthesia. I've just happened many times that I've had to see people who are really sick in the ICU from that. So I mean, here I am going to, you know, not a not a huge surgery, and I'm telling my husband, listen, like if I don't come out of this, you know, give this to Raina, give this to Kaden, you know, blah, blah, blah. And he's like, I cannot believe you're talking about this. This is ridiculous. I'm like, I'm telling you, I know things. You know? So, you know, so that's part of how it made it very difficult for me because I knew the worst case scenarios. So, not in either war.
SPEAKER_00:It was probably both. Yeah. It was both easier and harder. What other maybe light bulb moments or realizations have you had now that you are literally in their shoes? From the patient's perspective, I guess is what I'm asking.
SPEAKER_01:That moment um on diagnosis to treatment plan and all of that, that moment I never understood as deeply as I do now. And why patients call me as soon as they have their tests and say, what is it show? What is it show? You know, in before that, I'd be like, okay, you know, give me a day. You know what I mean? But now I I get it that there is this time and space where you're just gonna be so nervous every second of every minute and of of every day. The other part that I'm understanding now that I'm a few months out of this is the continued fear that you have of every little thing triggering this, you know, is like, oh my god, like why does it hurt there? Oh, you know, wait a minute. I don't remember like falling or and I mean I think that's never gonna go away. I I don't think I'm ever gonna be at a point in my life where I'm gonna be like, oh, good, you know, had cancer five years ago and I'm fine now, never gonna get it again. No way. I mean, I see it all the time where cancer comes back years later. So I get it when people come in, you know, they come in for an unscheduled walk-in visit because, you know, all of a sudden their back's hurting and they think, you know, it might be the cancer back. Yeah, so I understand that too.
SPEAKER_00:How might have that changed the way you practice medicine today?
SPEAKER_01:There's definitely another added layer of compassion. Um, I don't share with all patients, and not because I don't want to, but because more I'm not sure they need to hear that their doctor has cancer too. Like so I think some people I can tell don't necessarily want to process that news. But I've told, I've shared with patients, you know, a lot of times breast cancer patients are not sure what surgery to pick or what kind of treatment they're planning with the radiation. You know, it's all kinds of like things in your mind, like, is this the right thing that I'm doing? And, you know, so it's kind of nice to hear like when your physician has gone through that same decision tree uh and why I picked some of the things I did. And I'm actually speaking at a at an event next week for survivorship and telling my story. Cause I just think it can't hurt to hear that we're all human and that we have gone through something like this too.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. It sounds stupid, but when you reached out to me, I was like, Oh yeah, doctors can become cancer patients too. It's like I don't know why I never thought about this before.
SPEAKER_01:It somehow blows people's minds, including myself.
SPEAKER_00:So I feel like it just like when you're in that experience, it becomes unfortunately, right? I think this happens in any profession. It's like doctors just become the other side in a figure, right? So it's like they've sort of become not a person with possibilities.
SPEAKER_01:It's almost like when you're a kid and you would see your teacher and not in school, it's like, whoa, you go grocery shopping? Like it's so weird. I didn't know you eat.
SPEAKER_00:That is such a good way to put it. Yes, exactly. Yeah. So how did you eventually break the news to your kids, or have you?
SPEAKER_01:No, I I have, yeah. So um we got through those. So I have twins, I have a boy and a girl, pretty savvy kids, but still very innocent. So I didn't want to use the word cancer or anything like that. So after we got through Christmas and their birthdays, I sat them down and I said, you know, listen, mommy is sick and is gonna need surgery. And so I thought that was a good way to just explain that things may not seem as normal as they are right now. So my daughter being the way she is, she says, You don't look sick. She's like, You're not coughing, you don't have a fever, there's no shortness of breath. Do you have COVID? Why do you need surgery?
SPEAKER_00:So she's gonna become a doctor in the future.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, or a lawyer or a criminal or something. Yeah, we're just not sure. It could go either way. And then my son, who's super sensitive, was like, Oh no, are you gonna die? You know, so it was just like this complete opposite. And I'm glad she said that because it made me laugh so hard. And when he said that, obviously, if I wasn't laughing, I would have ended up crying. That's where we left things off for a while, because then the surgery didn't happen for like another two, three weeks, and the lymphatomy is like a few days and you're fine, you know. So I actually sent them to my sister-in-law. She lives about an hour away, and they were with their cousins all weekend. And by the time they got back on Monday, I was fine. Um, so they never saw me sedated basically in in bed for the weekend. The other thing that happened was I bought a book on how to tell your kids about cancer. I bought it and I started flipping through it, and then I put it in my nightstand to read at another time, which actually never pulled out again for a while. So now we're a few weeks later. This is like after radiation, right? And my son came up to me and goes, Mom, do you have cancer? And I was like, um, okay, where did you hear that? And he goes, I saw it in your book. It's in your nightstand. And I was like, You go in my nightstand? I was like, I better go take everything else out of there that you shouldn't be looking at. Oh my goodness. Okay. So then I had to sit him down and explain what it is. I mean, they kind of already understand, but I didn't want them to go to school and say, Oh, my mom has cancer. And then, like, one kid's like, Oh, my grandmother passed away of that, you know. So I just didn't want them to get nervous about that word. So I just explained that it can be very different for people. And, you know, I'm okay now. Look at me, I'm fine. What about the rest of the family? Um, yeah, I mean, my sister was actually here. She was staying with us for a little while. She was in between jobs. So that was really great because um, you know, she's just a few years younger and um she doesn't have a family of her own. So she was honestly just picked up the stuff that I like wasn't mentally in in the mood to deal with, you know, like taking care of, you know, the homework stuff and cooking, and she'd play with the kids and the stuff I just didn't have the energy for, or emotional energy, I guess, for. Um, so that was a really good time to have her here. My parents again, you know, immigrant parents, and then they actually at the time were living on the east coast, and then came out to stay in San Diego actually in February. That was already planned. And I think by then I was sort of fine, you know, at least from their Perspective, you know, I didn't have hair loss or not nausea vomiting, like the stuff you see with people going through treatment. And they treated me the same. So which is good and bad. You know, sometimes I'm like, I have cancer. Let's be nice to your daughter. So have just some reminders of that. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. So much is in the appearance. Yeah. If they don't see you being ill, people just forget, I guess. Yeah, they they just don't really realize like what's going on inside.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:My husband's side of the family. Um, his sister and and my brother-in-law were great, you know, very supportive throughout. And then his parents are similar to my parents. Oh, are you okay? Yes, I'm okay. Okay. Like it's just kind of like it's a no, you know.
SPEAKER_00:So I mean they don't know what else to say, but they check in. Yeah, yeah. Did you join any support groups? How did you manage sort of the emotional stress that you're going through during that time?
SPEAKER_01:On Facebook, there is a physician moms with cancer group. Oh. Yeah. I think a couple thousand of us on there. Wow. Um, and so I read that all the time. Those posts I post it on there about myself. Um, there's a lot of us, you know, young women with early stage cancer. And then there's a lot of us that have late stage cancer too. It's it's sometimes a thread that I don't want to read. It can be really heartbreaking. But I found a lot of support on there. And there's a couple women on there that I communicate with offline too. If I have some kind of weird anxiety moment, I'll text her and she'll be like, I totally get it. Um, it's okay, you're fine, you know, that kind of thing. And I have a great friend group too. Um, not necessarily cancer patients, but or survivors, but they're a great group. So if I ever need anything, I know that they're there for me.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. Is there anything else you want to mention before we wrap?
SPEAKER_01:I just wanted to thank you for making this topic shared. And I think it's important for people to hear this is something that is all over and that it's okay to talk about it. And I think it's also important to remember that each day is a gift. And, you know, unfortunately, I had to experience this to know that, but each day is a gift, and every day that goes by, I'm learning that more and more. I, in some ways, feel that God gave me, and I'm not super religious, but in some ways, you have to find something to give you comfort. And so I have thought about God a lot. And I do feel like there was a reason that God gave this to me because maybe I'm just going through my life willy-nilly, you know, like every day and just not necessarily appreciating. And now it's definitely becoming more apparent to me that I can make choices on what how I spend my time and how I want to focus my time.
SPEAKER_00:Awesome. Well, thank you so much for taking the time to come on the show and share a very special perspective from a physician, an oncologist, especially. So thank you. Thank you. Before talking to Rima, I wondered how her experience with cancer might be different from people who are not doctors. The one thing that I didn't expect was the extra layer of stress she had when family and friends continued to look to her to be the expert of her own situation. She definitely was the medical expert, but I can see how wearing the doctor and the patient hats at the same time will be very confusing and exhausting. As she gently reminded me during our conversation, doctors are humans too, and there's simply no shortcuts when it comes to navigating the emotional experience of cancer. And that's a wrap for today. Please follow the podcast if these stories are resonating with you. Also, I'm in the process of planning for the 2022 season, so if there's anything you would like to hear more about on the show, please contact me by emailing info at talkabout cancer podcast.com. Thank you for listening.