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Talk About Cancer
Talk About Cancer is a podcast of stories from cancer patients, survivors, caregivers, and family members. The host, Serena Hu, talks to her guests about their emotional journeys with cancer and what happens to the relationships in their lives after a cancer diagnosis. They sometimes explore how culture and faith shape each person's experience of cancer and grief. You will find diverse perspectives, honesty, and wisdom in these stories to help you deal with cancer and its aftermath. http://talkaboutcancerpodcast.com
Talk About Cancer
New lease on life
Jared shared what it was like to get a blood stem cell transplant in the middle of the pandemic and how he is adjusting to the identity and life of a survivor, including edible gummies, makeup experiments, and being a Be The Match ambassador.
You can find Jared on Instagram at @jaredlips and listen to his fun podcast Back on Air.
Learn more about Be The Match and how to become a donor on its website.
Please follow the podcast if you are enjoying the show. Would also be awesome if you can leave an honest rating and review so I know if I am serving the interests and needs of you listeners out there.
Have topic suggestions or feedback about the show? Contact me on Instagram or email me at talkaboutcancerpodcast@gmail.com.
Thank you for listening!
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My reflections on the conversation:
I had a lot of fun chatting with Jared, especially the part about shitty self-care, for a couple of reasons: I was slightly amused that South Park is part of Jared’s way to “check-out” because if anyone asks my husband what we do on vacation, he will tell you that South Park is the first thing I look for on TV when we check into a hotel. There’s something very cathartic about crude cartoons I guess.
But also when Jared mentioned nighttime being more of a struggle for his mental health, sometimes worrying about cancer coming back, it made me think about how I sometimes have this nagging thought about me or someone else close to me getting cancer in the near future. I guess there’s a bit of PTSD there having had so many close family members get cancer, but it also made me realize how much harder it must be for patients and survivors to deal with that kind of anxiety on an ongoing basis.
I know Jared said that he’s now wrapping his head around his identity as a survivor and is therefore looking for ways to get involved with the cancer community. I love that he’s an ambassador for Be The Match, because cancer and diseases can be such a heavy and sterile topic and his fun and glamorous persona can make the topic more accessible for a wider audience.
Hey everybody. Welcome to episode 24 of the Talk About Cancer Podcast. This is Serena. I'm looking for more caregivers, family members, friends, and other co-survivors to come on the show to share your stories. Please contact me by going to talkaboutcancerpodcast.com if you're interested, or feel free to point others my way if you feel they have an important message that others should hear about. In today's episode, Jared tells us what it was like to get a blood stem cell transplant in the middle of a pandemic and how he's adjusting to the identity and life of a survivor, including edible gummies, makeup experiments, and being a beta match ambassador. Let's dive into his story now, and I will check back in with you at the end. Hello and welcome to the Talk About Cancer Podcast. Let's start with a quick intro and have you tell us a little bit about yourself, who you are, where you're from, and anything else you'd like to share with our listeners.
SPEAKER_01:Thank you so much. Well, my name is Jared Lipscomb. That's at Jared Lips on Instagram, which I love Instagram. Um, I am a celebrity makeup artist originally from Florida, and I moved to Los Angeles about 10 years ago. I'm 33 now. And at 31, I was shockingly diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia. Um, by 32, I was getting a stem cell transplant. And now, like I said, at 33, I am in remission. But obviously, the story is much deeper than that brief, brief little intro. And I'm obsessed with Britney Spears and my little chihuahua rescue Max.
SPEAKER_00:Thank you so much for that intro. What was it like to have to have spent so much time in the hospital getting treatment during especially those beginning days of COVID? Was that really scary for you?
SPEAKER_01:You know, it was so wild because my transplant happened on March 13th, 2020, which was the ex same day that, you know, flying kind of stopped and travel was stopped and the stay-at-a-home order was made, at least in Los Angeles. Um, I know it trickled across the country. But um, so that was the day of my transplant. And there had been talks of COVID, this virus coming from from elsewhere. And but maybe it won't come to America, we don't know, keeping an eye on it. And so it was just one of those things. And then I went in and I was so focused on getting ready for my transplant because you know, I go in, I check in about two weeks early to get radiation and chemo and stuff. And by the time the day the transplant rolls around, there's talks of flights being canceled. And with a stem cell transplant, you have to have the donation from the donor come, you know, from in my case, Germany. And they were worried, would it, would these stem cells that were not cryogenically frozen, they need they needed to be at a certain temperature and kept all, you know, all this, all these complications to get to me in time. So I had that anxiety from the moment I already had the anxiety of getting a stem cell transplant. Like, is it gonna hurt? What is it gonna feel like? All of this crazy stuff. And then you throw in this like, is the stem cell gonna get here? And then it got there. I was doing good, recovering. And then the virus hits and like hits the West Coast. And it's like, oh my gosh, now I have to have this layer of protection because there's a true threat. I'm immunocompromised, which I, you know, is what happens after you get chemo and when you get any type of transplant, a heart transplant, a liver transplant, whatever the case is, you always are immunocompromised while you're on those medications. So it was very scary. But yeah, the pandemic and, you know, that having COVID be around and be an issue while I was immunocompromised, it made me happier that they stopped allowing visitors, even though like I would have loved to see my mom and my friends during that time. And I think it would have made the mental side of it a lot easier. Um it also gave me a mental sense of um relief knowing that they were being taking it serious from the get-go. Because I knew also there were other places across America that weren't taking it serious. So for all my scares, I was happy that it was being taken, handled very seriously at my hospital. So shout out to USC for that.
SPEAKER_00:There's been some interesting perspectives with that, which is some of the patients say in some ways it was less of a transition for them into COVID because they've already been operating in that mode. Whereas like, you know, they sort of saw their family members struggle more with it to all of a sudden be like you have to take all these extra precautions, and there's that extra level of anxiety that everybody had to live with. So they were sort of like, eh, I've already been here. Welcome to my world.
SPEAKER_01:We were a total pro. My mom, I lived with my mom and dad um after all this happened, and they ended up staying because COVID hit. And um, as soon as I came home from the hospital after my first, you know, month of induction chemo, I was, they were like, you need to have a clean house, uh, you know, no plants. And I had all these gorgeous, you know, tall trees and my uh tall ceilings and all this stuff, and I had to get rid of everything. And so my parents went in and cleared it out. And um, yeah, so we were prepared. I was when I would feel better after like treatments, you know, it'd go, I'd I'd be immunocompromised for a few weeks, and then I would have about a week of feeling better and my I wouldn't be immunocompromised. And this is pre-COVID. So I would go do little things, maybe go dine out or go see a movie, and I would wear a mask. And I remember people looking at me kind of like, you know, because it's common in other countries to wear a mask when you're out because obviously it's proven to be very effective. I mean, the flu season, my doctors told me like that no one got the flu in 2020, and um, which is, you know, so shows how effective a mask can be just in general. But I would go to places in public wearing a mask, and I remember people looking at me funny, and I mean not too funny because I also had a bald head, and so it was like very apparent that I was sick. But, you know, a few people, if I had my baseball hat on or whatever, they would be like, Why are you wearing a mask? You know, and I'm like, I'm immunocompromised, I gotta stay safe. And now, you know, I feel like quite the trend starter because I have a picture from like January of me like doing this makeup that matched my mask, and I was going to some Britney Spears event, and I was just like totally prepared for safety and precaution. I had my hand sanitizer, and who knew it would come, you know, that would be my story for the rest of 2020 and some of 2021.
SPEAKER_00:Congratulations on being in remission. Thank you. What is the experience like for you today? How has this journey evolved now that you're in remission?
SPEAKER_01:You know, I'm just now starting to get a grasp on being a cancer survivor. There was this conversation about what does it mean to be a cancer survivor? And someone said, as soon as you are diagnosed, you're a cancer survivor because you have to deal with the treatment and all of that stuff. And I that really resonated with me. And so I'm grappling with being a cancer survivor. I'm wanting to be more involved in the community. I'm very proud to work with organizations like the Leukemia Lymphoma Society. I'm being I'm an ambassador on the board for Be the Match. You know, I work with Homoglobin to help equalize blood donations for all patients, um, no matter their sexuality. So I wanted to just get more involved in this world because everyone says it's the club you don't sign up for, but you're a part of it nonetheless. It's in my nature to get involved in things. You know, when I lived in Venice, California, which is known for its homeless problem, um, I decided to get involved and volunteer in a homeless center in my spare time. So it's in my nature to want to be a part of the community that I'm in. When I started doing makeup, I would go to all the makeup events and do everything. I immerse myself in it. So that's kind of at where I'm at now is like I want to be involved in this cancer community. I want to meet more people who are doing things like you're doing, where there is showcasing survivorship, not and not just survivorship meaning someone beat cancer and lived, but the survivorship of caretakers who've lost someone, the survivorship of those who didn't make it. You know, they're still survivors, they still have to survive that chemo. And I think this year has taught us like we can connect in a lot of new and interesting ways. And it's been really cool because, like we mentioned, a lot of cancer patients are immunocompromised thanks to the chemo treatments. So it's nice to, it's a very nice reminder that we can connect with people from all over the country and the world. And, you know, I would love to help facilitate that. And I was inspired to do a podcast because I just I felt like I had a new liaison life. So, you know, it was kind of like the joke of my podcast back on air is like I was never actually on air. I mean, I'd up here on reality shows doing makeup like on and off, and then I disappeared for two years because I was recovering. And so then I did this podcast where it's like, I'm back. And the joke of it is it's like you're not actually back and better than ever. You're back and you have to put one foot in front of the other and and try to have a good day. And so I'm I'm kind of normalizing that, normalizing second chances and starting over. And I don't know, I'm grappling with the mental health aspect of it now, of really dealing with what it means now that the true sickness is has passed. And my outlook and prognosis for my doctors is very positive. And I'm so, so lucky and so privileged because I know that is not the case for a lot of people who deal with this disgusting, horrible disease that I pray we find a cure for in our lifetime. But gosh, it's just, you know, it takes the mental toll, is where I'm at now. So I'm in therapy, learning how to manage what it means, what it all means, and deal with the re you know, like, did I do something in my 20s that affected my health and just all the crazy things you think? And, you know, it's a journey.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And I'm in the middle of it. So I don't know what I'm doing.
SPEAKER_00:I mean, getting mental health, professional help is definitely, you know, what most people recommend that I talk to. I'm actually gonna turn this question on you that you had asked your brother on your podcast. So, what is your shitty self-care to get through those tough mental health moments?
SPEAKER_01:Oh, yes. I love my little shitty self-care segment. So fascinating to hear what people say, what they do when they want to, if they actually admit the truth. I would say mine is definitely it definitely involves me eating a lot because you know, I went through a phase where I wasn't able to eat. I'm gonna explain my, I'm not just gonna say I'm gonna explain the backstory because I love to hear the reasons why too, like what the connection is. Yeah. So mine is like, I uh say it's like 11 p.m. Maybe like I said, I live with my parents, so they've they've long gone to bed. It's just me and my dog, we're kind of wide awake, and I will order like Taco Bell, some junk food. Now, I I don't eat meat um and I try to eat as vegan as possible, just personal choice. So, but it's LA, so there's lots of good vegan junk food. So I'll order something similar to Taco Bell type food, but you know, that's the way I like it. And I'll have it sent to me because like there were times where I couldn't eat. So I really love to eat now. Like I celebrate the times that I eat, and I still have repercussions from my transplant where I go phases where I'm nauseous. So when I can eat, I celebrate that time. And then I love, you know, it's California totally legal. So I love to take an uh edible of pot. And um, because I don't like to get drunk, I've never been a big party drinker person. Um and I don't want to drink uh, it just feels to me, I just feel pot's a more natural approach, uh, you know, and some people disagree. But for me, I, you know, I I enjoy the edible. I don't like to smoke because, you know, I have sensitive lungs after chemo and everything. So I'll take an edible. And then the funniest aspect to me is that I'll watch the cartoon South Park. And people always think it's so funny because it's such a 15-year-old boy, like straight boy thing to do, you know, like watch this like crude cartoon. But it really helped me check out at night because nighttime is where I struggle the most, where I feel the fears of what if it comes back? What if, and you know, I can't keep waking up my parents. And, you know, when I was in the thick of it, I could wake them up and say, because I would be sick also, and I could wake them up and be like, I'm through, I threw up, I need help cleaning it up, I don't feel good, and also I'm worried about this. But now that I've kind of, you know, I can always go to them, but like I need to start processing and healing. But when I'm not able to process and heal in that moment, when it's just overwhelming, I say, okay, it's time for an edible, get a little stoned, get a little hungry, and then I watch my silly crude cartoon where I just don't have to think about anything, you know, and it's really about shitty self-care to me, is really about like, yeah, it might not be the most healthiest thing. Like it's never healthy to eat a bunch of junk food. It's not healthy to But you're eating the vegan version of it. It's gotta be kind of still, I mean, I'm still eating a junky version of it, trust me. It's still junky. It's it's still deep fried and everything. Um, but you know, so the point of shitty self-care is it's like you gotta uh sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do to get by. And that that's been my routine, especially when I was, you know, trapped at home and I couldn't do anything. So that was mine.
SPEAKER_00:Thank you. Thank you for sharing that.
SPEAKER_01:Do you have one?
SPEAKER_00:Oh man. I probably need one. Like that's my problem. But that's for a whole nother episode.
SPEAKER_01:We'll do a part, we'll do a follow-up about that. But Serena, we will, we're we're gonna be actively waiting as listeners, we're gonna be waiting for uh for your shitty self-care.
SPEAKER_00:I'm more on the other extreme where I'm just like, I'm always like go, go, go, go, go.
SPEAKER_01:Okay.
SPEAKER_00:I feel like my cancer experience with my dad has taken me to the other extreme where it's like I want to be doing things that if I get hit by a bus tomorrow, I could be like, well, at least I was doing something that was meaningful for me and not just like having a nine to five job. Yeah. But then it's just like my personality, it's like I take it to the other extreme because I was already kind of like that. So now I'm just nonstop.
SPEAKER_01:That maybe that is your shitty self-care. You know, like you're like you're because it's it's not good for you necessarily. So maybe it's good for your mental health to keep busy, but it's not necessarily the best form of self-care. Maybe you need a real self-care.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:I always say the shitty self-care is when it's you're not not doing a face mask or a glass of wine. Maybe that's what you need to do.
SPEAKER_00:I don't drink. That's the other problem.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I don't either. Okay.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. So well, this is sometimes a curious topic for people who don't live in like Colorado and California where marijuana is legalized. What does an edible do for you?
SPEAKER_01:Oh, interesting question. Yeah, I guess I've been here for 10 years that I forget about it.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, we just assume everyone knows, but I think there are actually a lot of a lot of people in the cancer community who are kind of curious about it because it's not quite legal in their state yet. Yeah. But they hear, you know, things about it. So what does it do for you?
SPEAKER_01:Um, well, for me, it was, it originated because I wasn't huge using uh, I mean, I try obviously I lived in California. So like at parties or like with a friend, I would sm hit it hit a joint or smoke a little bit here and there, like, you know, try it out and whatever. But after I got cancer, you know, a lot of nurses and doctor, and I wouldn't say it was like medical advice, but just people would come, it was just kind of known in the community, you know, like on the support groups that I joined, like, hey, we're in California, you do have this very awesome, easy way to feel hungry and to kind of feel chill. And that's how I felt, you know, like that's usually how I feel. I feel get a little bit of an appetite. Um, and I just feel relaxed. It's it's the same as I I kind of describe it as you it's a mixture of you take your nauseous medicine. If you, if you had cancer, you know the nausea medicine you take, uh composine or zofran, it's something like that. And but mixed with like a little bit of maybe Xanax or Kalonopen or a Valium. It's like a feeling of both. And I like it because like I just sometimes I feel so pumped full of chemicals. And I realize it's just another chemical, but knowing that it comes from a plant, in my head at least, I just feel like, okay, at least tonight I can skip a, you know, skip a sleeping pill and skip a nausea pill and just take this thing that came from earth, and maybe I'll give my body a break of having to process it down through my liver instead. Because, you know, THT doesn't process as much through the liver as like alcohol or heart or pills that are opioids or, you know, so and it also helps with pain as well, which I discovered. And um, to anyone curious, you know, is start with CBD. That's what I did. And CBD will not give you any, you know, head high, you won't feel high, but it does help um, even topically, like rubs help a lot. So, and CBD I think is legal in everywhere, maybe, or close to I know I got CBD even in Kentucky. So I know if it's legal in Kentucky, like I'm pretty sure and Florida. I'm from Florida and I have a friend who has a C BD business in Florida. So, yeah, so it's so try start with CBD, CBD capsules, C BD gummies, and see how that feels. And if you notice the difference with that, you might enjoy eventually exploring, you know, marijuana when it becomes legal in your state. I'm not like a super advocate for marijuana. I'm not like, I mean, I think everyone who's incarcerated for it should be released, but that's a again a topic for another day. But the point is, it has helped me on a minor level with nausea and pain and um and just chilling out.
SPEAKER_00:We tried it with my dad, actually. I don't know if it was legalized in California at the time. I think it was we actually had to get a prescription for medical use, and we took it to a dispensary, and we actually ended up getting these like I guess they call them trinkets. It's just like you drop the oil directly underneath your tongue because it's like the quickest uptake. Um, and my dad at the time was like really struggling with nausea and you know being able to eat, and so we got it for him, and my mom was freaking out at the time because she was like, You're gonna give him drugs. Like I mean, if the doctors say it's okay, I think it's okay, mom. But my husband actually started just trying edibles recently because he has arthritis. And definitely, like to your point, like with CBD, he was like, Oh my gosh, this is magic. I wake up in the morning and there's no pain in my joints.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, it really helps with inflammation.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, so thank you for for sharing that for some whom who may be curious about that.
SPEAKER_01:Totally.
SPEAKER_00:And this is the other thing that comes up a lot in the cancer community, which is this talk around terminology. And I I heard you mention about this earlier in your podcast, which is you know, while you were going through treatment, you would receive messages and gifts and things like that, and people would write like, you know, you're a cancer warrior, you're a fighter, you're gonna get through this. And I know earlier on you said that you didn't really feel that way. Um, you didn't necessarily connect with those terms. Which one of the terms do you feel most closely aligned with today?
SPEAKER_01:I I usually refer to myself as cancer patient or cancer survivor. I mean, I'm a patient because I still see my doctor once a month, you know, and I still have to, I'm still in this like phase where I'm still having reactions to my um, I mean, they're good reactions that I'm having because it means my transplants working, but it they have a lot of negative impacts where I'm having to see the doctor very frequently to be monitored. So I kind of flip between patient and survivor because like I had just mentioned earlier about the survivorship, like as soon as you're, you know, I've I've been a survivor since day one and I can accept that now. But um, yeah, I really re I really didn't uh like the the warrior and uh that kind of stuff just because I didn't feel like it put it it was totally based on my own, obviously my own thing. And I just felt like it was this pressure that people were expecting me to fight somehow. And like, you know, I could barely walk. And so sometimes it felt like or or I would always have to take a shower because you know, you have to take a shower every day, at least in the hospital that I was at, they made me because you just have to defer the cleanliness and all of that. And so, like, sometimes that's all I could do for the day was take a shower. And so then I didn't, I would get on Instagram and see people say, you know, like, you're such a fighter and you're so strong. And I get it now in hindsight. I'm much less sensitive to it. I think it's one of those things that, you know, it's kind of like I don't even know what to compare it to. It, it, I don't think it bothered. I mean, I can see why it would bother a long-term cancer patient for sure. It definitely bothered me in the moment while I was going through it because you just don't feel like that. And it also felt like I should have been doing more. Because, you know, I had my doctors telling me, you need to walk, you need to do this, you need to do that. And I was like, guys, if I get up, I feel like I'm gonna throw up. And then so then I felt like I wasn't fighting hard enough. And it was all very internalized, just kind of like this my way of processing with it, feeling like I needed to be actively doing something to cure my cancer instead of realizing like my b and my mom is so, you know, such an amazing person. And she, when I was crying about it, I'm like, I'm not a fighter, I can't do this. I give up. Like, I give up. And she's like, Georgia, you're not giving up, first of all. Like, relax. You can't, you don't even really have the choice of giving up because the doctor's already said, like, you're gonna, you know, most likely survive. So you can't give up. And then the second thing is you have um, you don't have to fight. Your body is just fighting because of the medicine it has. Like, you don't have to do anything. She's like, just people don't understand because they haven't been there and they just want are trying to support you and make you feel strong. And when I realized it was more, I was like, oh, it's not, it's not so much about they it's not people who who are going through it telling me to fight. It's just people who are wishing well. And so now I'm not as sensitive to it. But I do think it's important that people should, with cancer patients, you know, I talk about it a lot, like how to talk to a cancer patient and how to handle like a friend who's been diagnosed and all that stuff. I do think you you could, it would be okay to ask, you know, like it wouldn't be abnormal to say, like, hey, like, I'm gonna, you know, like I want to tag this picture. Like, would it be weird if I hashtag cancer warrior? I like I mean, I don't think asking people who are going through the experience of cancer, I don't think it's so wrong to ask. Like if someone would have asked me in the moment, like, hey, does it bother you that people are calling you like a warrior? You know, I think I would have felt much better about it and not had a breakdown to my mom being like, why is everyone saying I'm a warrior? I'm not doing anything. And yeah, so pretty chill about it now. But in the moment, it really, it really struck a nerve just because I felt like I wasn't doing enough to to get better, you know. I will say I feel much tougher now though, and I will proudly hashtag like cancer fighter and cancer warrior and stuff because now I do feel like, you know, I feel a little bit different because I'm like, damn, I really did go through it. Like I've had my bones drilled into the marrow, like, okay, I survived, like, you know, yeah, I did that. So I'm I lean into it a little bit more now, but definitely in the moment it was hard to grapple with.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, listening to your experience about going through the transplant, that blew my mind. It reminded me of almost like you became an X-Men or something. Because like you were talking about how you could feel the cells from the donor taking over your body.
SPEAKER_01:I mean, it's a really weird experience because like the actual procedure, it's just a blood transfusion. So, like I had a you know, a semi-permanent IV that had been in place for about six months for chemo and for blood transfusions. So it would just, you know, the process itself was just a blood drip, like a bag of these, these stem cells. And mine, of course, had been wiped out by the chem by the chemo and the radiation. So I had an empty immune system. And so that process didn't really feel like anything. And it was just kind of whatever. And then about 10 days in, or I can't remember the exact day, but you know, a couple, about 10 days in, I woke up in just like this excruciating pain. And I was like, you know, dinging the nerves and being like, what the hell is going on? And it was like from the inside out, and they called it, oh my gosh, I'm gonna forget the word now, but um, it's anyways, it's when the cells, the donor cells are like taking over from within and like taking over the marrow. And it doesn't like it hurts, but it's not because it's like it's like the weirdest reason why it hurts. It almost feels like shin splints like on your legs, shin splints in your arms. Like it was very shin splinty, so very uncomfortable, obviously. Only lasted a day. And apparently not everyone has it as severe. I have a very low pain tolerance, and they gave me a morphine drip pretty quick, and I stayed on a morphine drip all day that day. But um besides that, it was weird because it was like, oh, you're actively, you know, like it's actively working. Like that's a sign of it. And I can also still feel when I make more platelets in my legs too, which is a weird thing because I can always tell, like, when, um, because you know, I still like as some of my medications will will mess with blood cells and all that boring stuff. But anyways, the point is the platelets I can feel them making within my legs still. Sometimes I'll wake up and be like, oh my God, I have to take a pain pill today because my my body's working. So it's really weird to be that in touch with your body, which I think a lot of people aren't. I think the most an average person gets is like working out. They're like, oh, I feel sore. Like it must mean it's working. But this is such a weird, like, mind fuck because it's like, oh my God, like it's working so deeply from within my body on such a genetic, mutated level. Like, I'm it totally feels like an X-Men, you know?
SPEAKER_00:And uh, and you brought up your mom. I saw some pictures of her. You got your mini, mini me of hers. It's so cute, the two of you together.
SPEAKER_01:Look a lot, especially if we're both in makeup.
SPEAKER_00:You have like the dimples, like so cute together. Um so one of one of the things that you talked about too is that you had given the advice to people to say when you're visiting someone who's going through cancer, it's probably not a good idea to come and cry in front of them. Um unless you check with them first, right? Maybe sometimes it's it's good to have like a breakdown session together that could be cathartic. But for the most part, it's probably not a good idea to kind of do that in front of someone who then feel like they're burdened to also have to care for you when there's so much already going going on for themselves. On the flip side, um what are some things that you as the survivor or the patient at the time that you would try to keep away from your parents, your mom, or your family because you were afraid that it was going to upset them?
SPEAKER_01:There was one thing that it's it's just a minor part of my story now. And so I bring it up occasionally because I just don't like it to be the focus. But I went through a breakup of after three years, two months after my cancer diagnosis, which I mentioned. You know, I don't want to put the guy on blast because, you know, like now I understand there's a lot of nuance to a diagnosis. There's a lot of complications. I'm not giving him a pass. What he did was absolutely shitty, and the way he did it was horrible. I will say I everyone processes things in a different way. So whatever. But I had to deal with that emotional thing of a breakup whilst dealing with this was two months into my diagnosis. So I dealt with that um more on my own and kind of kept that part in. I would talk to a few friends about it, but people were almost like, well, why are you worried about that when you're you're you should be focused on your health? Like, you know, you're you're getting healthier, you have a match coming, you're gonna get your transplant next year. Like, don't worry about that. And, you know, I just couldn't help. Like my heart was broken. And so I stewed on that a lot more than I think I let on because also I wanted to appear stronger. I didn't want to seem like, oh yeah, the worst thing that's happened to me is this breakup when I'm literally battling leukemia, you know? But so keeping that from everyone and they knew, but like they were just so much more focused on the health aspect and the treatments and keeping me everything clean, as we mentioned, and and safe, and making sure that I was mentally okay with like coming to terms with all of the diagnosis aspect that I kind of mourned that privately. I eventually like my parents stopped staying the night at the hospital per my request because it was just like they stayed with me from August 27th to maybe October 11th. I stayed in the hospital for that extended a period of time. And I had someone with me every single night. So then when I would start going back to the hospital once a month to check in for my inpatient chemo, which would last about a week, I requested they could visit in the daytime, but not stay the night because I just needed my space and I was also healing from all of this stuff. So now they're very well aware of how I was feeling and I've processed it a lot, obviously. But that was the one thing that was kind of off the radar because we were just everyone else was so focused on the bigger picture. And it's like I still have to handle my real human emotions on top of this extreme rare event of having cancer.
SPEAKER_00:It sounded like you were getting the message that that's not important at the time in comparison, you know, to the cancer itself, in that you needed to put it aside. But the reality is it just it adds complexity to your overall experience. You couldn't just compartmentalize.
SPEAKER_01:No.
SPEAKER_00:And so you ended up having to process it after.
SPEAKER_01:And I've I'm trying to be a more positive person, and it's worked because of my new liaison life, and I will say the one. One positive thing about this whole mess is during that time, I was so focused internally on the breakup that it allowed me to forget about the cancer for a little bit. So it is weird how little silver linings show up. But I look back and I'm like, oh yeah, I don't even remember those really first few trying months because, like I remember the initial, obviously, but then after that, I was so focused on healing and the breakup that it kind of distracted me. I stopped asking every day to my doctor, Am I gonna die today? Which I was, you know, you get a morbid sense of humor when you get cancer. I feel like every cancer patient has a morbid sense of humor. And I would just ask every day, Am I gonna die? And the breakup happened and I just stopped asking. So it was actually in a weird way. I feel like it was like a transference of my stress so that way I couldn't, because there's no way I could process the diagnosis, you know, but I can definitely process a breakup. I've been through those before. So it was almost like a weird way that I like transferred all my energy into processing that and um it worked out, you know. I have no hate in my heart anymore, but obviously I will never speak to him again or anything.
SPEAKER_00:So um and then this question how has cancer impacted your relationship with makeup as a makeup artist? And I ask because for many people, um, you know, being able to put on makeup and dress up and like feel like your old self or your normal self is a treat and is really important um when they're going through treatment. Or my guess is that it's a little bit more complicated for you because it's also your profession.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, well, unfortunately, because of my um medications and the side effects of those medications, and it might be also a dexterity problem with radiation, I have not been able to work as I once was. I don't have the strength within my um fingers to hold like a precision brush for an eyeliner as an example. Um, it's very difficult to do anything that takes precision, which, you know, with your eyes and your lips and contouring takes and brows takes precision. Um so it's been complicated in that sense of not being able to work. Luckily, I have found myself as my own canvas, which has been a really fun treat to see me in different ways and experiment with makeup, especially when I was bald headed and to still do looks and to practice on myself and to, you know, kind of cheat and figure out new ways to do different looks that are still pretty on myself and stay up to speed with makeup, but without being able to actually go and meet new clients and do makeup, because I wouldn't be able to offer the full extent of my services that I used to be able to offer, you know. So that part has been a difficult, not difficult, but just a new experience. Um also it helped that COVID was happening. So people weren't really getting their makeup done except for very special circumstances, you know, like being on a working on a TV show and working where you have to get tested all the time. And this was pre-vaccine, so I wasn't, I couldn't qualify for that kind of work anyways because I was immunocompromised. So that's that part sucks. It sucks that I like can't do the job that I've been doing, but also it gives, once again, a silver line and gives me the opportunity to explore other avenues, and it's given me the opportunity to really explore the fun side of makeup again. Because I started makeup because I was a drag queen, and of course I still do drag from time to time, not recently, obviously, but I would get in like full wigs and dresses and costumes and stuff, and then I kind of switched over to more just like cute outfits with kind of like glamorous makeup on myself, like as a boy, you know, but just with gorgeous makeup. And so it's been nice to kind of figure out that side too. So um, and then on the the basic level of just like not feeling great on days you don't look good, it's nice to pop on some concealer and a tinted moisturizer and a little powder and some blush. I always tell everyone every cancer patient needs blush because it just looks so uh gives you such a vitality. So if you ever feel like, oh, you know that look you get in your eyes, like when you're like, I look so sickly today. I'm like, get some concealer and get some blush. And even if you don't have brows, even if you don't have eyelashes, even if you don't have any of the time to put any of that on, just take, you know, swipe your finger and some blush and rub it on your cheeks. It'll just give you a little life to it, you know? So that's been fun to learn, also is like these little things that make you feel good and kind of getting back to the basics with makeup has been really cool.
SPEAKER_00:Hmm. Yeah, so it sounds like it's actually turned back into something fun.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, almost like a hobby again.
SPEAKER_00:That's awesome. And I know for today you wanted to also talk about another sort of hobby of yours. There's some organizations that are very close to your heart. Why don't you tell us a little bit about them?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, well, I think the main one we'll focus on is Be the Match, which I'm uh on the board of ambassadors for. Be the Match is, of course, the donor registry uh for keeping track of anyone who could be a blood uh stem cell donor. And a stem cell transplant can cure tons of blood cancers like lymphoma, leukemia, and also just blood disorders that affect people, like sickle cell anemia and different blood diseases. And a lot of these transplants, you know, leukemia, there's a certain type. The patients who are affected are 95% children who get this leukemia. And one of the ways to cure it is through a bone marrow transplant. And a bone marrow transplant sounds very scary and high-tech and futuristic. It is not. It is simply a, I mean, it is very scientific and high-tech and futuristic, but it's not scary. Um, and so basically, Be the Match just is a registry where healthy people can get sent, they sign up for free and they get sent a quick swab. It's not a scary COVID swab up your nose. It's just a, you know, like a swab in your cheek and you mail it back. It's a charitable organization, so it's not affiliated with the government. They're not keeping your records for anything other than purely the use of if you end up matching with someone like me who needed to desperately get rid of my cancerous cells in my body. If you are a match genetically, and they look at a lot of different factors, not just blood type, but a lot of different factors, they will give you a ring and say, hey, you're someone's match. If you are able to donate, it's an extended blood draw, similar to donating plasma, you know, so not as quick as a blood donation, a little bit more time invested, but you literally are saving someone's life because most of the things that uh a transplant saves this day and age are curable diseases that people die from because they can't find a match. And for my example, is before I knew I could get a transplant, I was 50-50 with chemo. So I went into remission and then it was 50-50 that it would come back within six months. So they knew I had to stay on chemo until I got a transplant. Now, when I got a transplant, my chances of survival for the first year were 70-30 because the transplant has to work and stick. After that first year, I am now over 95%, heading into the 99%. And then when I hit five years, it'll be the chances of a recurrence slim to none. You know, so bone marrow transplants really save lives. And the big thing that I like to tell people is two things. As a gay person, be the match does not discriminate against anyone of any gender identity or sexual identity, basically the LGBTQ community are able to submit and sign up to for this registry because there are a lot of outdated policies when you donate blood based on the AIDS crisis uh and the AIDS panic that happened in the 80s that are still legislative law with the American Red Cross, which is absolutely insane that in the year 2021, gay men cannot donate blood because of fear of AIDS, which is mind-boggling.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, it's so weird.
SPEAKER_01:So Be the Match does not follow those guidelines and they welcome everyone. Of course, we know now everyone gets screened for everything, and you fill out a health guideline. So there's so many checks and balances in place. So it's not a dangerous thing. Obviously, I'm here because of a bone marrow transplant. And the other thing I just want to highlight before I wrap up this little spiel about Be the Match and why it's so important is the registry needs to be diversified. And what I mean is every type of person, biracial people, mixed people, all people of color, all any person needs to be on this registry because there's a huge disparity with people of color not being able to find matches because there's a lack of diversity on the registry. And it's hard to say where this uh comes from. There's been a huge distrust with the medical system, which is very fair, especially in minority communities. There's a huge distrust with the medical world, and I absolutely understand that. And so, my point I want to get across is this is as a 31-year-old white male, I had a 77% chance of finding a donor. And luckily, I had four options for a donor. A black man with my exact same diagnosis has a 22% chance of finding a donor. So, and that means he would have, like me, I had a 50-50 chance of living. So the point is, everyone should be signing up for be the match. There is nothing, there's you you lose nothing for doing it. It costs you nothing, nothing happens. If you're not a match for someone in need, you'll never get a call. It does nothing. If you do get a call, you literally are saving someone's life. And to me, I mean, it's hard because other than that, like it's hard to explain like why you should do it. Because like, if that's not like, wow, you mean to tell me I can donate my blood for four hours and someone can live. A child who gets leukemia can live. To me, that's enough reason to want to do it. But if you need more reasons, go to bethematch.org and see all the ways that um transplants help change so many people's lives. So please do that. And I'm very proud to be an ambassador for them.
SPEAKER_00:That's awesome. And I I vouch for what you said because I registered when I was in college. So that's been almost 20 years now, and I've only gotten very periodic emails from the organizations that basically says, do you want to continue to be a donor in our database? Like they don't harass you in any other way.
SPEAKER_01:Nope.
SPEAKER_00:It's a pretty incredible organization. Do you have a desire to meet your donor one day?
SPEAKER_01:Oh, 100%. Yeah. Um, it's kind of I always describe it now as like an adoption case. Like I signed off that I would love to meet him. And all I know about him is like, you know, he's a 28-year-old male from Germany at the time of my diagnosis. That's all they give me. And then they give me like the statistics to show like the genetic matches, but like no identifiable traits, you know, nothing about I we I knew nothing about him. I don't even think my doctor knew much about him besides the stuff that the statistics that they need on a scientific level. So if he signs off on his end that he too would like to meet me, then something will be arranged via be the match. He's a superhero and he doesn't even know it. He's just he's, you know, some 28. I mean, I guess he's probably 30 by now, and he just has no idea. He's he went to the went and did a little plasma donation, and then next thing you know, I'm I'm still here and I'm still kicking, and now I'm thriving.
SPEAKER_00:And I would assume they would notify him, right? That like your match is alive today.
SPEAKER_01:There's so much uh privacy regulation, you know, patient privacy is so important, which I value that they're very strict about that. I am not a private person. I talk about everything, as you know, on my podcast, as I'm talking on this podcast. But so I would just be like, okay, tell him to call me right now. But, you know, I respect the process and I hope he will agree to meet me because I would love to meet him.
SPEAKER_00:Makes sense. Well, thank you so much for coming on the show today and sharing your thoughts and your experiences. Where can listeners find you?
SPEAKER_01:Um, I'm mainly on Instagram, a little bit on TikTok at Jared Lips. And my podcast, back on air with Jared Lipscomb, is available everywhere you stream podcasts.
SPEAKER_00:And I really want to encourage people to check out the podcast I did this week, and I had so many laugh out loud moments. And I just I love the way that you sort of move seamlessly between, you know, having these very open and vulnerable moments about what you're going through still today as a survivor, and then just like cut over to cancel culture and your celebrity friends. Like it's I can connect with you, but then I'm also having fun at the same time.
SPEAKER_01:I think it's a great well, thank you. It was important for me, like I'm glad you, your podcast exists to talk specifically about the cancer experience. And for me, you know, for my mental health, I couldn't speak weekly about cancer. I needed to be able to have a variation because, you know, I've got to also accept that that's not my permanent life. I'm glad you you're noticing what I'm going for, which is a little bit of everything. So thank you for those kind words.
SPEAKER_00:Thank you, and be well. I had a lot of fun chatting with Jared, especially the part about shitty self-care, for a couple of reasons. I was slightly amused that South Park is part of Jared's way to check out, because if anyone asks my husband what we do on vacation, he will tell you that South Park is the first thing I look for on TV when we check into a hotel. There's something very cathartic about crude cartoons, I guess. But also when Jared mentioned about nighttime being more of a struggle for his mental health, sometimes worrying about the cancer coming back, it made me think about how I sometimes have this nagging thought about me or someone else close to me getting cancer in the near future. I guess there's a bit of PTSD there, having had so many close family members get cancer, but it also made me realize how much harder it must be for patients and survivors to deal with that kind of anxiety on an ongoing basis. I know Jared said that he's now wrapping his head around his identity as a survivor and is therefore looking for ways to get involved with the cancer community. I love that he's an ambassador for Be the Match, because cancer and diseases can be such a heavy and sterile topic. His fun and glamorous persona can make this topic more accessible for a wider audience. That's a wrap for today. Please follow the podcast if you would like to hear more stories from cancer warriors, caregivers, and family members. I would really appreciate it if you can leave an honest rating and review in Apple Podcasts or Podchaser so I know if I'm serving the interests and needs of you listeners out there. You can also share any feedback and suggestions directly to me by visiting talkabout cancer podcast.com. Thank you for listening.