Talk About Cancer
Talk About Cancer is a podcast of stories from cancer patients, survivors, caregivers, and family members. The host, Serena Hu, talks to her guests about their emotional journeys with cancer and what happens to the relationships in their lives after a cancer diagnosis. They sometimes explore how culture and faith shape each person's experience of cancer and grief. You will find diverse perspectives, honesty, and wisdom in these stories to help you deal with cancer and its aftermath. http://talkaboutcancerpodcast.com
Talk About Cancer
Not my story
Julieta talked openly about grappling with not being cancer-free after her chemo treatment and the complex layers of love, fear, and hope she’s balancing with her intergenerational family.
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Thank you for listening!
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My reflections on the conversation:
I invited Julieta on the show because I wanted to help elevate her message as a cancer advocate in the Latino community, but this intergenerational story we ended up diving into was so much more complex than I expected, such as the way Julieta and her mom try to protect one another by shielding things that may be upsetting to the other person, and how Julieta doesn’t want her daughter to now feel pressured about having to do the same for Julieta. It’s so representative of the kind of delicate balancing act that nobody gives us a “plan” for while dealing with cancer.
Hey everybody. Welcome to episode 30 of the Talk About Cancer Podcast. This is your host, Serena. If you've enjoyed listening to the stories on this podcast and want to find others like it, head over to TalkAboutCancerPodcast.com and you can search by topics of interest there to find other episodes you might like. In today's episode, Julieta talks openly about grappling with not being cancer free after her chemo treatment and the complex web of love, fear, and hope she's balancing with her intergenerational family. Let's dive into her story now, and I will check back in with you at the end. Welcome to the Talk About Cancer Podcast. Let's start with a quick intro and have you tell us a little bit about yourself, who you are, where you're from, and anything else you would like to share with our listeners.
SPEAKER_01:Hi, I am Juliet, and I am 33 years old. I am Mexican and I have breast cancer. I am a mother to two amazing kids, Zola, she is 11, and Xavien, he is three. I've been married for 14 years to my husband, Pete, and I come from a big Mexican family. My parents had nine kids. And I've always thought that cancer was just a white woman disease. I never thought that Hispanics would get it. It sounds so naive, but that's just really what I always pictured cancer as.
SPEAKER_00:Thank you for that intro. Where do you think that idea came from? That cancer is a white woman disease.
SPEAKER_01:I live in a small town and I've been in the medical field for a long time. And as a CNA and as a receptionist working in medical offices, I always just saw white women, you know, white people having cancer. And it was very, very odd, rare really to see any Hispanics come to the office or even being taken care of for any type of cancer. Like I don't recall ever seeing personally any Hispanics with cancer. I mean, I would hear of them here and there, but it was very rare.
SPEAKER_00:Now looking back on that experience, do you think that was just because people didn't come forth to get that type of help?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I think it has to do a lot with just like people being scared to get things checked out. You know, like the Hispanic men are very like macho, like don't go to the doctor because they're gonna find something wrong, you know? You know, just drink a seven up, it'll go away, purp it out or put some VIX on your feet, like you're fine, you know? And then next thing you know, it's just too late. But I just feel like lack of education, honestly, and then fear. Now that I'm looking back, I've found out that there were several people that were going through cancer, but they've kept their cancer such a secret that we didn't find out until like they they were dead, and they were like, oh, well, they died of cancer. We're like, what? So I think that lack of education and then like also just not speaking up about it. So I think that was what kept it such a secret, or you know, I never heard or saw. It was very rare.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. So that then shocked you when you found out you have breast cancer.
SPEAKER_01:I don't know if I had told you this or not. My mom was diagnosed in April and then I was diagnosed in November. Wow. So that's how we started to realize like, holy shit, like Hispanics actually do get cancer too. Like that sounds so ridiculous, right? Like, I'm 33 years old. Like, why would I be living in such a fairy tale where I would like Mexicans would never get cancer? I mean, it just sounds so silly, but it's just really how I just thought, like, it's not that I didn't think we could get cancer, it's just it's not something that was very common in our race in my little world. And cancer started to show up in my family. And I was like, holy shit, like what the hell? You know, my mom was diagnosed with stage four in April. She had kidney taking out two years prior, 2018, and it was a cancerous mass, and she had a whole total nephrectomy, and they told her all her margins were clean. There was no treatment to follow after the surgery, the nephrectomy, it would just be scan updates every six months, and then if every six months would graduate two yearly, and then she went to her two-year checkup, and that's when they found some multiple nodules in her lungs, so it metastasized to her lungs. And right now she is doing quite well. It's been really hard for her because she's doing immunotherapy, and then that stopped working, so now she is on a pill, and right now she is living a good life, you know, a good quality life as a stage four. Then what really rocked our world when I got diagnosed in November with stage two breast cancer. That's when we were like, whoa, hold on. And then when I made it known that I had cancer, all of a sudden all these women, Hispanic ladies, were like, thank you for speaking up about this stuff. I went through a situation and I was so ashamed to speak about it because I felt like people would judge me for having cancer. And that just blew my mind. And I'm like, why would anybody judge anybody for having cancer?
SPEAKER_00:So you didn't feel that way. How did your family react at the news of your mom being diagnosed and then you following?
SPEAKER_01:So my family obviously was devastated. We're very, very close. We're a big family. We're very close, but we didn't want a lot of people to know either. And especially my mom. And she doesn't really like even talking about it. She doesn't like people asking about it. And when I was diagnosed, I didn't tell anybody until I was already done with, like, when I knew like what I was facing, what type of cancer I had, and how advanced, or what was my treatment plan this when I made it known. And my family wasn't happy about that. My mom did mention, like, you know, do you really have to let everybody know? I mean, not everybody is your friend. They they don't really care. They're just strangers. So why are you airing your laundry like that? And I looked at her and I told her, it's not that I think that they care for me. I feel the need that I have to share this because I can help somebody. I can help them in a way that makes them feel safe to speak about it, you know, or to not be so naive like me and think that cancer can never struck us. I try not to share like a lot of the things that I do with her because I don't want to stress her out, you know. I'm her daughter. And she doesn't like people to like approach her and tell her, oh my God, I heard that Julieta has cancer. Like, you know what I mean? So it's been, you know, like a weird vibe with them. But I think they're okay with it now because I've actually been even on TV. I was on the news. Oh, it's on the news. Well, this is funny. This is what happened. So I'm on this like breast cancer support group, right? And there is a lady, a reporter, who was like, Hey, I need someone who's currently in chemo or just finished chemo. Like, they would need to hop on today. So I sent her a message, like, yeah, I'll be interested. And I've never done anything like that before. So I was at work on my lunch. So she's asking me questions and stuff like that. And I'm thinking, like, oh, maybe it's just kind of like to see if she likes my story. And then she'll call me back and we'll actually do like, I'm thinking, like, you know how you see TV, like where they have like an interview, like, I would actually go to the newsroom and like they'll do hair and makeup. Like, that's what I'm thinking, right? Like, if I get selected. Well, turns out that they selected me and the the the whole little thing we recorded, they used that and ran it and didn't even tell me. Oh, I mean, I'm fine with. Like, I give them permission, like, yeah, you can use, but I I I didn't know. So that night I came home and I'm like making dinner. My phone's like ding ding ding ding ding. I'm like, what the heck? People are tagging me. They're like, you're on, you're on weak news. I'm like, what? What do you mean I'm on weak news? They're like, yeah, you're on weak news. And they're just laughing because she said to describe how I felt being on chemo. And I said, honestly, being on chemo, I felt like a sprayed cockroach. Like I just didn't know what direction I was going. So of course that's sold. So she played it. She ran that, and it was all over the news. So my parents were at home, right? And they watched like the later news. This the Spanish channel has like a 10 o'clock show or whatever. And how about the Spanish channel ran my story in Spanish? So my parents were like in the living room, just watching the news. And then they go, and it was so misleading because the story was about we have like new immunotherapies developing, blah, blah, blah. And we have Julieta Cruz. And then they showed like my pictures, and I'm on there, and my parents were like, What? My mom's like, La television, ¿qué son? Like, what? And I'm like, oh my God, I had no idea that they had even done that. So I mean, I wasn't mad. I just, I would have loved to know. So I could have like given everybody a heads up, like, hey, everybody, watch me on TV, you know? So I did it. And I did email the reporter and I was like, can you like send me the recording or somehow? Because I obviously didn't even know you were using me, so I didn't even see it. So that's how my parents were, they're like, You were on TV. Like, oh my gosh. And I feel like now they, I feel like now they're actually like proud of me. I've gotten like so many like cards in the mail because I live in an apartment, but I get mail at their house. And every day I get like a care package or I get like a little like thank you card. And they'll send me like little knickknacks, like you know, little things to make me feel special. So my mom, every day, like they look forward to looking at the mailboxes, see like what Julieta got in the mail today. That's cute. Yeah, so that's just kind of been like what's going on. And I've just been sharing, you know, like I shared all my like chemo journey on my Instagram, and I talked about like the side effects, you know. I did a lot of like how to do your makeup. I didn't have a problem with losing my hair, but when I lost my lashes and my brows, that was hard. So, like learning how to draw my eyebrows literally was like a challenge, and then I mastered it, and then I was like, look at me, I can do eyebrows and stuff like that.
SPEAKER_00:I joined one of your Instagram live sessions. It felt like we were just like in the salon with you because you were like doing your eyebrow, and then at the same time, you're just like narrating your story.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I was telling them how I catfish people because I had like no lashes, no eyebrows, and then I show up to work with like brows and lashes and everything. And I was like, you guys look, you gotta learn. It's easy and all this stuff. So I've tried to like honestly make the best out of like this scrap situation because that's really what it has been. It's just been crappy. Like chemo was really hard. It was really hard. I did 16 rounds of chemo, and that was almost like six months, and just like mentally, you just can't let your diagnosis in your head. Like you just have to be above that. And I felt like I was above cancer. Like I had this under wraps. And then recently I had my mastectomy two weeks ago, and I was told I was gonna wake up with either expanders if there was still cancer present during surgery, or if my lymph nodes were clean, they would go ahead and proceed with reconstruction and I would wake up with implants, but the incisions would only be finger length incisions across the nipples. Well, I woke up with incisions that start here and they are all the way to the back of my armpit. Whoa. So I want to know what kind of thing my plastic surgeon has because damn, he must be a freaking monster. What happened is that after the mastectomy, he said that I had so much breast tissue that he just felt like it would be best if he trimmed everything up. And that if he didn't make the incisions that long back, I would have been left with what they call dog ears. And that's just like a gathering of skin that starts to to kind of like poke out like that. So he had to like cut me, but that was like never discussed, never discussed. So now I'm having like infection issues. And on top of having the necrosis and I'm having surgery on Tuesday to fix that, I received my pathology on Friday, and I was so confident, so confident. Like I wasn't even nervous going in. Like I just knew I had this under wraps, you know. Like I'm going in there, they're telling me like great report. Well, it turns out that they did a dissection of three lymph node dissections on each side on each armpit. This this side is clean, there's nothing there. On this side, they took out three lymph nodes. One of three did have cancer. So I have to have radiation. It sucks. And I had declared myself like no radiation, and it just really sucks because I'm already dealing with an infection on this side. And I'm having a revision on this side, and now I have to have radiation. Like, what the hell? And I almost felt like let down, man, because I I swear I felt like I had it under control. And it's like after going through all that, and then to hear that it you still have it, it's really hard to swallow. And I mentioned it to a friend of mine. I said, you know, I'm so upset right now that I'm even in like, I'm kind of even embarrassed to like go on my social. Because I basically got on my Instagram and I was like, okay, guys, like I'm going in for my test results, my pathology. And then I never went back on and I haven't been back on. So everybody's blowing me up. Like, what's going on? Are you okay? Like, they all know probably something's happening because Juliet would have been like, ah, I'm cancer free. I haven't had like the guts to go back there and tell them, like, you know, guess what? Turns out that I still have cancer. I'm not cancer free, and I have to have radiation. And I told my friend, I was like, honestly, I feel embarrassed to even say that. Like, I feel like I let myself down, and I don't know if I want to continue sharing my story publicly. I'm like, it's just so much.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And she's like, Juliet, oh my gosh. She's like, you have to. I mean, obviously you don't have to, but she's like, you should, you should continue doing this because this is what life is. Life isn't always what we want it to be. And you've inspired so many women, like, you need to continue doing it. And I read something today, actually, it was just all meant to be. I went on my Instagram and um one of the bresties they're hanging out in Austin, Texas. They were at dinner and they were celebrating one of the girls' like fifth anniversary of being cancer-free. Another one was celebrating she's a three-time cancer survivor. And the waitress was like, wow, my mom recently just got diagnosed, and we're all so scared we're gonna lose her. And here you guys are celebrating cancer. Like, this is meant to be like, thank you for being here today. And thank you for sharing that. And her post was saying, like, you need to share your story. You need to share, like, because you're gonna help people. And it's not about like our pain, but it's so much about helping everybody else. And I was like, wow, like that's so true. This is so painful, but I'm gonna push myself to share it because I do want to help. And that's the whole reason I even put myself out there was to help. So they're gonna have to cringe through the ugly of my journey because everything has been beautiful so far. Everybody's like, oh my God, how do you manage to be so cute and you wear the cutest wraps and you dress the cutest, and your eyebrows are the amazing because my eyebrows were like the biggest thing, you know? And it's like, well, guess what, guys? Here comes the ugly. So I'll be making a post about that somehow. I I haven't I don't know how I'm gonna start it.
SPEAKER_00:You're calling out something really interesting and important. I mean, I would say I agree with your friend. Um, and many people say this is that the journey is not linear, right? Some days it's good, and then all of a sudden it could just go completely sideways, catch you off guard. And, you know, there's so much strength in pushing through, and that is and will be an inspiration for others. But what you're calling out is this pressure that comes from being an advocate, being a voice, and being in a semi-public eye. I mean, it's mostly people that you know or have some sort of connection to on social media, but that becomes like a responsibility on your shoulders to somehow like paint a story that is positive and inspiring. Right. And and and that's just a lot to I think have to worry about when you're already dealing with, you know, a terrible disease and then now the complications with your surgery. I mean, I would say just, you know, I agree, I agree with your friend, but you also just need to take care of yourself if you don't feel like going on and following with that post, you know, the people that know you will know how to meet you where you are. And if that means not going back on social media for a while, so be it. Right. You'll be back when you're ready.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. That's kind of I even said that to her as well. It's like I feel like taking a break and just not being on there for a little bit until I'm just kind of in a better headspace. You know, this whole time that I've gone through cancer, like I felt like I was like above it. Like, I've got this, I've got this. But yesterday when I got my pathology, and even though I will say my pathology is not the worst thing, like Friday was like the first time that I ever felt like, holy shit, I could really die. I mean, hopefully not, but yeah, this is becoming very like, and I'm not why would I even say like this is becoming serious? But it's always been serious, but it's becoming the scary part now. It just took it to a different level. Level, yeah, because the other one was like manageable. I was managing, I was thriving, I was living, I could still be present. I felt like I was under under control and somehow now I'm not. Like now I can't even control my own body to heal. And because I'm having radiation, they'll put an expander. So I'll have like a deflated breast tissue and have radiation to my armpit. Then there's like not even a guarantee that that'll eliminate it. Yeah, that's scary. Yeah, you know, and it's like, how do I move forward with that? With faith. I mean, I believe in God. I He's carried me this far. I know He's gonna carry me more. And when I got diagnosed, I I asked God, like, I just need two things from you. That's all I need. The first thing I need is strength to help me walk the valley. The second thing that I asked for you is peace because I don't want to be scared. I hate the feeling of being scared. So again, I am back asking God for strength to go through radiation and the surgery, and peace to go through radiation and surgery. And I know he's gonna give it to me. I feel like I'm just not really I know it sounds weird, but I'm not ready to receive it in a way. Like I kind of want to soak in this misery just a little bit. There's this Spanish saying that says, the hamme sofrio. It means like let me suffer just a little bit, just so that I could really like savor the pain, which makes no sense. Like, who wants to save your pain, right? Like save your, like taste it. But I want to get over it. I wanna wipe my tears off and I'm gonna get up and I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it in fashion, I'm gonna do it with makeup and wraps and whatever the hell, so I can get through it because it's bullshit. You know? And I know I'll walk in there with peace because God never fails me with those two things.
SPEAKER_00:Thank you for sharing that. And I can see that this is a really challenging turning point for you. Oh yeah. So thank you for being so honest with what you're feeling and what you're thinking about. Do you talk to your mom about these types of emotional struggles that you have since she's also going through her own journey?
SPEAKER_01:Wow, actually, that's the first time I've ever been asked something like that. But no, we don't talk about it. We kind of just pretend like it doesn't even exist. Through chemo, she wouldn't ask me, like, not that she didn't care, she did care about me. So, like, my son goes to daycare, and then my dad picks up my daughter from school, so I have to go to their house every day to pick up Zoyla from my mom's house, and then I pick up Xavier from daycare, and I bring him back to my mom so that they can just play around in the yard and things like that. There were times that I got off a chemo, so I would hang out with them in a little bit, and it was just like a quiet hangout. Like I would just get there, and I felt so sick and just so tired. And she knew, and she'd have me a meal, she wouldn't ask me anything, she just would have a meal and I would eat, and then I would just lay on the sofa and she'd sit next to me and we would just watch TV in silence because we didn't speak, but I know that she knew what I was going through. And then, like for surgery, she she hasn't even dared to even look at my scars, and I've kept them away from her as well.
SPEAKER_00:Like, I don't want her to see them. Yeah. Food is often like the way of showing care in many in many cultures. I feel like it's easier than talking, right?
SPEAKER_01:So our family has been like, you know, like nine kids. Like my dad always worked, my mom was the housewife. It was just like they were raised to just provide for your kids, and that's how you demonstrate your love. Yeah. Seeing how my dad interacts with my kids and how he shows them love is so beautiful. And like seeing my mom demonstrate love and affection to my children, and my children love and adore them. And, you know, since I went home to recover with my mom and my sister, Erica, she's my baby sister. She's like my rock, my right hand, and she helps me with the kids and stuff like that. She took two weeks off to help me recover from the mastectomy. My mom didn't even like, you know, like I said, she couldn't bring herself to even look at me with the dressing changes and stuff like that. And I didn't want her to even see me either. She had my, you know, my calitos, my soups. She had my de la manzanilla, which is chamomile tea. And she would have all those things. And that was her love language, you know. That's her way. And then when I graduated and I came to the apartment because I felt like I was strong enough to come to my own bed, like she came and followed, you know, every evening with like a little food snack or something, you know, to make sure that Pete was actually taking care of me properly. Even though I would be with her all day long. But to sleep, I would come home, you know? After like the fourth day, I was like, okay, I think I'm strong enough to like come home. Because like the first few days were rough, you know, major surgery, you're on pain medicine like every four hours, and it was a torture. But I was like, I graduated and I came home. So they're constantly in my life, and I'm so thankful for them.
SPEAKER_00:It sounds like the two of you keep some of this away from each other, right? Because you're trying to, you're trying to not hurt and worry the other person. So you just don't, you don't touch it, basically.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Like it's like a protection mode type of thing, right? And then I always think like, my mom's story is not my story, your story is not my story. Everybody has their own story, and I have to focus on that a lot because there's times that I get like on Instagram and I see like young girls, like, you know, my age, and they are diagnosed with early stage breast cancer, like my staging. And then, like, a year later, there's stage four. So I'm like, holy shit, you know, that scares me. Cause I'm like, my mom's like, would I be that one day? And then I'm like, no, like their story is not my story. My mom's story is not my story. Everybody is different, and we all have different paths, you know? Yeah. I just hope that I can live a long life to, you know, let raise my children, you know, and leave a legacy. My mom was an amazing person who helped a lot of women somehow. She helped a lot of women have great eyebrows through chemo. I don't know. Remember me of something well.
SPEAKER_00:Do you talk to your daughter about this? I mean, your son's only three, so he probably doesn't quite understand. And as I know at 11, you're picking things up, right? Mom's hair changed, mom's eyebrow changed. So are you talking to her about what's going on?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. So let me tell you about Xavier. So Xavier is like my we call him the Chi Chi boy. Chi Chi means boobs in Spanish. Okay. He's my titty boy. That boy was breastfed forever. Like, I used my friends would be like, Juliet, like, it's time to cut the kid off already. He's gonna be in kindergarten. They're gonna be like, Miss Cruz, Xavier wants his Chi Chi, can you come? Like it was like, okay, well, I didn't do it because of that, but I ended up cutting him off because I was just tired of breastfeeding. Like, I was done, you know? So I finally took him off. But he it took him like two weeks of like bloody, painful screaming and crying, and he just wasn't having it. So the way we ended up working things out was I would lay him on top of me and he would lay his head on here. And then he would hold my nipple. Like just hold it. So he would just go to sleep holding onto my nipple. And then eventually, every time he would get near me, he would fish for my nipple. That was just his comfort. And then, you know, after surgery and stuff, and I came home and Pete gave me a shower. And I said, like, that man scrubbed me so down, like he was washing his forward truck. He was scrubbing me down, like such a vicious way. And then we went in the room and he was like drying me. And I didn't even think about this. But then Xavier, because Xavier had been kept away from me through like the first three days because he's a he's a three-year-old. You know, they can be so unpredictable. And then like I had drains and stuff, like I couldn't have him near me. So I was, you know, without clothes and Pete's drying me. He walks in, he's like, What the hell happened to my nipples? They're gone. And he's like, mommy. And he points and he's like, You got boo-boos? And I was like, Yeah. And he goes, Oh, mama, you okay? Said, yeah, I'm okay. And that just broke me. I was like, oh my God. Like, I didn't think like he would even be faced by it. But that was his security, my nipples, you know, that was his love. And he loved my breast so much. And now I don't have that. And he he even still tries to dig, and obviously there's nothing. And then I tell him, like, you can't really do that right now because I still have cuts and stuff like that. So now his way of like connecting with me is he holds like one of my jelly rolls. One of my rolls on my stomach. And I'm like, yes, son, that's a good substitute. Grab my jelly roll. Like he needs to feel my flesh, you know, like my warmth. Yeah. And then, you know, Zoila is like, not your average 11-year-old child. Like she's so mature. And I'm like so immature compared to her. But she's just so amazing. Like she's so smart and above her years. We were so open with this with her. We speak to her a lot about faith. Like we raised her in church. So like she knows about God and things like that. And Pete spoke with her. And we talked to her as soon as I found out I had it. We hired a counselor for her to speak with her, you know, because I didn't know if she would want to share stuff like worry in front of me. So I had a counselor hired so that she could speak with her during school and see if she was struggling with everything. And actually the counselor called me one day and she was just like, listen, your kid is like amazing. Like she is not faced by this. And I was like, I know, right? Like, how is she even my kid throughout the whole situation? Like when things were developing, like chemo and like losing my hair and like having all those things. Like, I would check in with her constantly in her bedroom, just her and I. And I would say, like, are you okay? Do you have any questions? Do you want to talk about anything? And she would ask me stuff, you know, how come this or how come that? And then there were times where I would have an appointment and she'd be like, Mom, you have an appointment today. How did it go? And then I asked her, I said, Do you want me to share with you these things, or would you rather me just not like, are they stressing you out if I share too much? And she goes, No, I want you to tell me everything. And I was like, Wow, like, okay, if that's what you want. And then I don't want her to be like fishing for information or trying to hear behind closed doors, like if me and Pete are having a private conversation about like the diagnosis or my situation, you know, and I feel like that would bring more anxiety to her than us openly talking about it, you know. And then I had the pathology results under wraps. Like we had a whole day planned out. Well, Pete picked up a new, he has a tree company, so he picked up a new machine. So it was picking it up at Tampa because I go to Moffat in Tampa. So he's like, let's kill two birds with one stone. We'll pick up my new machine with the flatbed, and then we'll go to your appointment. And I said, We're going to Moffat in this big ass truck with a machine hauling it. Like, where are you going to park this thing? And he's like, Oh, we'll find a place to park it. And I'm like, Okay. So he found a place to park it in the grass with this big ass machine excavator, like a mini excavator, legit, in front of Moffat in a flatbed, taking me to my pathology reports. Because after that, we're taking our daughter shopping with this machine that we're hauling everywhere. That should be a post. That would be that should be a post. So we took Zoila with us, and I thought they would let her in just because things are starting to like ease up a little bit. Well, when I got there, they're like, no, only one person can come. I'm like, well, she's 10, so she can't be in the lobby by herself, and she can't go to the car by herself. So, and I need my husband. She's like, Yeah, I understand, but your husband's gonna stay. You should just bring your daughter. So I let Zoila come back with me. And she was there when they gave me the results. She was comforting me. She was rubbing my back when they were reading the results to me. And I thought to myself, like, what business does an 11-year-old kid have comforting their mother?
SPEAKER_00:She's amazingly brave. Like, what business does she have? You know?
SPEAKER_01:And the doctor looked at her and he said, Do you have any questions for me? And she said, No, I don't. I understand everything. And she, when he left the room, I know I had my gown. She helped me get back dressed. She knew I was bumped out. You know, we weren't prepared to hear that news, you know. And so she said, Mom, you're gonna be okay. And she said, just keep doing what you've been doing. Keep believing. And we held hands and we walked back out. And Pete saw my face. Like, obviously, I didn't walk out of there happy. And I said, Let's get the hell out of here. So he was like, Oh god. We got to the truck, he's like, What happened? Like, what's going on? And I told him, I'm like, Well, it's not the worst, but it's not the best, you know. He's like, Oh, like, damn, like this sucks. It's like, yeah. He's like, Well, let's go home. And we went home with her, new excavator.
SPEAKER_00:So just yeah. It's amazing to hear that. I mean, I know that for myself when I was in those appointments with my dad, and actually all throughout that process, I felt like I had to hold myself together, right? For him. Yeah. Because if he saw that I was sad, it would make him sad. This weird, yeah, yes, vicious cycle. But I was like an adult, you know? So I'm just like, as you're telling me about the experience with your daughter, what was going on in her head? I mean, it sounded like she intuitively knew that too, right? Yeah. That she had to be strong for you in that moment.
SPEAKER_01:And I and I talked to her about that. I feel like that also can be very poisonous, too, in a way. Like, I grew up always feeling like I had to be okay with my parents. Like, I went through a rough patch with my marriage, and I always had to like hold it together because I didn't want to disappoint my parents. It's like a double sword. Like, it's a good and it's a bad. It's like you can't be really genuinely worried and show your true emotions because you have this standard to uphold. And I grew up that way with my parents. And even now, you know, like, well, duh, I'm over here hiding that I'm having second ribbon and inner classes talking to me. So it's like, yeah, you know, and I tried, and I don't want that for Zoila. Like, I want her to cry if she needs to cry. Like, I want her if she feels scared, I want her to tell me. And I tell her that, Zoe, like, it's okay if you feel scared, it's okay if you do you have any questions. If you don't feel comfortable speaking with me, do you want to speak with someone? Like, she hasn't seen her counselor in a you know, in a while because of like, you know, with her being on break and things like that. And now with this diagnosis, like now I'm gonna have to call them back up and just be like, hey, can you is there like a somehow they can do sessions? Just to make sure that her mental is okay as well, because it's a lot. That's what I'm saying. Like, what business does an 11-year-old have dealing with those problems? Right, you know what I mean? Yeah, but we're teaching them life lessons, like I'm teaching her that we go through hard stuff, but we have to continue on, you know? Yeah, life is just not perfect, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:It in some ways forces them to grow up faster, but they also I don't know, that I feel like there was a moment in my young adult life when I started to see my parents as real people. Because when you're growing up, your parents are like these, you know, flawless, invincible beings that are just gonna like protect you and feed you and you don't really, you know, they're just like a yeah, yeah, like they're just like a foundation and then they're solid. Yeah, and at some point, like in your young adult life, where you're like, okay, they need help too. And I think it just, you know, that realization happens faster when your kids have to go through this kind of experience with you. But I feel like you're doing amazing in terms of having open communication with her, giving her the opportunity to say, I want to know, I don't want to know, I have questioned, I don't have question. Right? You're giving her all the choice and you're giving her an open avenue to figure out what it is that she needs. It's it's a lot. Yeah, it's a lot. Before we wrap, any last things you want to share with the listeners?
SPEAKER_01:For sure. I think the biggest lesson that I'm learning is that at the midst of all the garbage, all the stuff that's being thrown at you, there's always something, something, something, something that you have to be thankful for and grateful for. Like I am so grateful that I have a solution. You know, even though my journey just got a little bit longer, I thought my journey was about to end, but it's not. So there's people that are living with, you know, a worse situation than I am, and they would give anything to have my problem versus what they're dealing with. And I realize that, and I am thankful that I'm good. I don't have any pain. I get to enjoy my family. I still am breathing. I have good quality of life. I do have a little infection, but that's gonna be taken care of. And I'm gonna get through this. There's always something to be grateful for. So always look deep and focus on the positives. I had to go back and literally write down the good things that are happening right now. And I wrote down like 10 things, you know, instead of like focusing on all the crap, I wrote down the 10 things that I have. You know, it could have been three nodes that had cancer, but it was just one. You know, I have clean margins, so that's good. You know, and I just went down the list and just really focusing on gratitude. That's just what's gonna get you through.
SPEAKER_00:Well, thank you so much for taking the time to come and chat with me today. And thank you for being so open and honest on where you are in your journey. You know, it's a lot to be in the thick of things and talk to a stranger about some very personal thoughts and feelings and experiences. So I appreciate you.
SPEAKER_01:Thank you for having me here. It's I feel it was nice. Like it went by fast. I did a lot of talking. I can talk for days, girl.
SPEAKER_00:We'll have round two at some point. Yes. I invited Julieta on the show because I wanted to help elevate her message as a cancer advocate in the Latino community. But this intergenerational story we ended up diving into was so much more complex than I expected, such as the way Julieta and her mom try to protect one another by shielding things that may be upsetting to the other person, and how Julieta doesn't want her daughter to now feel pressured about having to do the same for her. It's so representative of the kind of delicate balancing act that nobody gives us a plan for while dealing with cancer. And that's a wrap for today. Please consider following the podcast if these stories are helping you deal with your cancer experience. Also, I would very much welcome any feedback and suggestions you may have for the show. You can contact me at infotalkaboutcancerpodcast.com or find me on most major social media platforms. Thank you for listening.